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Learning When To Say No

by Caton September 24, 2014 ~ 30 Comments

Spinalonga-2

I’m craving some serious beauty and relaxation, preferably at a place that looks like the picture above. I just returned from a whirlwind of a blogging conference. It was an absolutely amazing time, but it was busy, busy, busy. Luckily I left feeling inspired and determined to make a few changes in my business.

One thing I have a hard time with is saying no. I am the primary breadwinner in my family, although it certainly won’t be that way forever. This means that when someone offers me a job, I always say yes. It doesn’t matter if it’s a quick editing job or a lengthy, well-researched post – I always do it no matter what.

However, this has left me feeling overwhelmed. I do recommend this approach when you’re first starting off as a freelance writer or any type of side hustler. Get the jobs and get the experience any way you can. However for someone like me who has been a paid writer for over three years now, it’s time for me to accept that I actually shouldn’t say yes to everything.

In fact, saying yes to everything can be a detriment to my business, my health, and my family.

So, this week I am doing some difficult things. I am raising my prices, which means that I won’t be able to work with some of my current clients anymore. I am narrowing down the number of sites I write for, which means I will actually stop writing for websites that I love and people I love writing for in order to free up some time for my children and for developing new ideas.

This doesn’t mean I’m going to be inundated with free time. In fact, I expect that I will still be quite busy – I just won’t be SO busy that things fall through the cracks. I will be able to answer my e-mails quickly and not batch them all on a Saturday just because I ran out of time when 100 new ones come rolling in every day. I will have time to work on some new ideas and developing my websites, including this one.

Learning when to say no is probably one of the most difficult things any of us can learn how to do. It just isn’t natural. When the school needs a parent to volunteer, people rarely say no. When someone you don’t like invites you to do something, people rarely say no. We have this idea that we have to please everyone and make everyone happy all the time. I am super guilty of this myself – but it only leaves me drained and not the other person.

So, let’s make a pact. If someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, just say no.

If you’re juggling too many things, just say no.

If your kid is in too many activities, just say no.

Our careers, relationships, and our health depend on it.

Have you said no to anything lately?

Filed Under: Lifestyle
Tagged With: save time, time, time for yourself

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Lovely comments

  1. Shannon @ Financially Blonde says

    September 24, 2014 at 9:03 am

    I usually say yes to the point of driving myself nuts and then when I am at my complete wits end, I realize that no has to start infiltrating my vocabulary. The overachieving type A personality in me hates it, but it is necessary if you want to continue to produce quality work and not alienate the ones you love. Good for you for going through the exercise!

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 24, 2014 at 10:36 am

      I am very similar! Thanks Shannon!

      Reply
  2. Kassandra @ More Than Just Money says

    September 24, 2014 at 9:17 am

    As you know, I gave up a well paid proofreading contract with an investment company because it would be just too time consuming. It was REALLY hard for me to step away from that because I want to be able to “do it all” but that’s not realistic or even healthy. The cool thing is that they left the door open for me to come back when I’m ready so that was encouraging. I already work crazy hours!
    I believe that it’s important to build your work life around your most important life priorities so yes, let’s learn to say no more often 🙂

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 24, 2014 at 10:37 am

      You are smarter than I am for realizing this early on in your freelancing career. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Robin @ The Thrifty Peach says

    September 24, 2014 at 9:41 am

    I have a problem with someone I don’t like asking me to do things and I accept every time. I then feel miserable the entire time and think, ‘why did I do this to myself?!’ It’s ridiculous.
    I’m happy that you’re able to recognize when it’s time to make some changes. Hope everything goes well for you!

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 24, 2014 at 10:37 am

      I know – it’s not easy if you are a people pleaser like we are!!

      Reply
  4. Kara says

    September 24, 2014 at 10:31 am

    I have a difficult time saying no, too. I’m getting a little better at it, but you’re right, it’s definitely not natural. Glad to hear you’re realigning to build your business!

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 24, 2014 at 10:37 am

      Thanks I’m definitely trying to prioritize!

      Reply
  5. Chelsea says

    September 24, 2014 at 10:40 am

    I have always been a “yes” person. It’s a great feeling to the person that people depend on, that get things done but at what price? It usually results in a total meltdown at some point. I’m about to deliver my biggest “no” and turn down being in my friends wedding. Hopefully they will be understanding… Ahhhh!

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 24, 2014 at 11:05 pm

      Oh that’s definitely a hard one because being in a wedding is so special but you have a ton going on that’s for sure!

      Reply
  6. Holly@ClubThrifty says

    September 24, 2014 at 11:03 am

    I am the same way, Cat! In my mind, I can do it all! Unfortunately, reality tends to disagree. It’s okay to let things go sometimes- we can’t do it all!

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 24, 2014 at 11:06 pm

      I know. If only we didn’t have to sleep from time to time!

      Reply
  7. Erin @ Journey to Saving says

    September 24, 2014 at 11:56 am

    I am happy to hear this! I think it’s awesome you’re raising your rates, getting paid what you’re worth, and putting yourself first. I’m in “yes” mode right now, but I’m not afraid to turn down something I don’t think I’ll be a good fit for / won’t work out. Life is too short to be driven crazy by your workload.

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 24, 2014 at 11:22 pm

      It’s true, it’s true – I’m working on it! 😉

      Reply
  8. Kirsten says

    September 24, 2014 at 5:35 pm

    good for you – glad you are making this change and I hope you are able to spend more time with the kiddos 🙂 (and get paid more for your excellent work).

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 24, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      Thank you – so far, I’m excited about the response!

      Reply
  9. Melanie @ My Alternate Life says

    September 24, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    I am so glad you are starting to say “no” more. I used to say “yes” to everything too, but have been burned when it simply is not worth it. I still say yes a lot, but am more selective with my time, so that I’m not actually losing money in the process! I think after your big award, it is about time you raise your rates! Create a business that works for you, so you can be with your family and friends. That’s the best part of being freelance, right?

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 24, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      It IS the point of being freelance – that’s for sure. I think sometimes a desire for growth and the need for income can get in the way!

      Reply
  10. Catherine says

    September 24, 2014 at 7:34 pm

    Learning to say no is tough. Kids have a way of putting everything into perspective though don’t they? We also need a relaxing vacation, something that hasn’t happened in years. Good luck Cat!

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 25, 2014 at 11:04 pm

      They seriously do! We both need to take one!

      Reply
  11. debs @ debt debs says

    September 24, 2014 at 8:35 pm

    Good call, Cat! I’m the same. I’ve been able to start saying ‘no’ for my full-time job but I’m still in ‘yes’ mode for blogging and writing.

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 24, 2014 at 11:23 pm

      I think that’s a good place to be when you’re early on. 😀

      Reply
  12. Natalie @ Financegirl says

    September 25, 2014 at 9:10 am

    I have a post scheduled for this Wednesday called “Learning How To Say No” – We are on the same wavelength with this one! I think saying no is hugely important to maintain a balanced, happy life, where you’re focused on things that are most important to you. Love this!

    Reply
    • Natalie @ Financegirl says

      September 25, 2014 at 9:14 am

      My new title is “6 Strategies to Help You Say ‘No'”, and I’m going to mention your post! It’s great!

      Reply
      • Cat says

        September 25, 2014 at 11:04 pm

        Haha well thank you!!!

        Reply
    • Cat says

      September 25, 2014 at 11:04 pm

      Thanks Natalie – I appreciate it!

      Reply
  13. Tonya@Budget and the Beach says

    September 26, 2014 at 9:59 am

    Thanks for this and all the info you gave me yesterday. I usually am pretty good about saying no, but lately I haven’t been because of my job situation, but that doesn’t mean I have to settle either. If something is too time consuming AND doesn’t pay a lot, I’m doing a disservice to myself.

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 29, 2014 at 9:21 am

      Anytime anytime! You know I have mad love for ya!

      Reply
  14. Michelle says

    September 26, 2014 at 9:06 pm

    I have a hard time saying no too, even when I know it is in my best interest.

    Reply
    • Cat says

      September 29, 2014 at 9:21 am

      It’s def a challenge for everyone!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. This Week In Finance News On Financegirl says:
    September 26, 2014 at 6:02 am

    […] Learning When To Say No by Cat via Budget and the Bees […]

    Reply
  2. Back From New Orleans & A Writing Wrap Up - Budget Blonde says:
    September 26, 2014 at 11:03 am

    […] Learning When to Say No-Budget and the Bees […]

    Reply
  3. Learning How to Say No Strategies says:
    October 1, 2014 at 6:03 am

    […] It’s no secret that girls are taught to be polite by being agreeable and saying “yes” growing up. It’s thought of as abrasive to say “no”. In our adult lives this can be good. If a coworker suggests doing something in a particular way, it’s good team building to go with the suggestion and build off it (the “yes and” approach). However, I don’t really see this as a struggle for my peers, or myself. What I do see and experience is difficulty saying “no” in both personal and professional situations. You may find it easier in personal situations to say “no” than in professional situations, or vice versa. For me, I am more comfortable saying “no” in professional situations than in personal situations. Cat over at Budget and the Bees talked about the importance of saying “no” last week – check out her awesome post on the topic here. […]

    Reply
  4. More Than Just Money says:
    October 5, 2014 at 6:33 am

    […] This is still a lesson in progress for me but like Cat of Budget and the Bees, I am getting better at Learning To Say No. […]

    Reply
  5. How to Get Enough Sleep - Budget and the Bees says:
    October 8, 2014 at 7:10 am

    […] in the few hours before I go to bed, it weighs on me and literally keeps me up at night. Now, I just say no to all that and instead I play with my kids, try to take a bath after they go to bed, do a little […]

    Reply
  6. Finding Balance: September Wrap-Up | Katharine Writes says:
    October 8, 2014 at 8:02 am

    […] & The Bees has a great post on learning when to say no… a vital skill for any freelance worker, but difficult to do. Cat shares some advice on why […]

    Reply

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