Grief is complicated, messy, and deeply personal. When you’re mourning a loss, people often try to offer comforting words—but sometimes, those words feel anything but comforting. Instead, they can feel dismissive, awkward, or even unintentionally painful. While most people mean well, certain phrases can make grief feel lonelier, more frustrating, and harder to process. If you’ve ever lost someone and heard one of these common condolences, you might understand why they made me want to scream.
1. He’s in a better place
This phrase is often said with good intentions, suggesting that the person who passed away is at peace. But when you’re grieving, it can feel like a way of minimizing your pain. In that moment, I don’t care where they are—I just want them here. Loss is painful, regardless of spiritual beliefs, and hearing this phrase can make grief feel brushed aside rather than acknowledged.
2. Everything happens for a reason
This phrase can be especially frustrating when the loss feels senseless or sudden. While some find comfort in believing there’s a greater purpose behind tragedy, others struggle to see any reason for their pain. Telling someone to find meaning in their suffering can feel dismissive, as if they’re expected to accept their loss without feeling its weight. Sometimes, grief simply exists without explanation, and that’s okay.
3. Time heals all wounds
When grief is fresh, hearing that “time heals” feels impossible. Some wounds never fully heal—they just change. Loss doesn’t magically disappear with time; rather, we learn to carry it differently. Instead of telling someone their pain will fade, acknowledging that their grief is valid, no matter how long it lasts, is far more comforting.
4. At least they lived a long life
Whether someone passes at 25 or 95, their absence leaves a hole. This phrase can make grief feel unjustified—as if mourning someone who had a full life should somehow hurt less. Longevity doesn’t lessen the depth of love or the pain of loss, and expecting someone to take comfort in age overlooks the reality that missing someone has nothing to do with how long they lived.
5. You have to be strong
Grief isn’t a test of strength—it’s an experience that deserves space to be felt, fully and unapologetically. Saying “be strong” implies that emotions need to be controlled or pushed aside, when in reality, allowing yourself to break down is part of healing. No one should feel pressured to meet a strength standard while mourning.
6. They wouldn’t want you to be sad
Of course, loved ones wouldn’t want us to suffer, but that doesn’t mean grief should be ignored. Missing someone doesn’t dishonor their memory—it’s a sign of love. This phrase often comes across as a way to rush the mourning process, when in reality, grieving someone we loved is natural, and feeling deep sadness is a reflection of their impact.
7. You’ll move on soon
Loss isn’t something you move on from; it’s something you learn to live with. Telling someone they’ll get over grief is an unrealistic expectation. Instead, supporting them as they navigate life after loss is far more meaningful. Grief doesn’t have a deadline—it reshapes itself over time, and that’s okay.
Harmless Yet Frustrating
People rarely mean harm when they say these phrases, but that doesn’t make them any less frustrating. True comfort comes from listening, sitting with someone in their grief, and simply being present. If you don’t know what to say, a simple “I’m here for you” is enough. Because sometimes, words aren’t needed—just understanding.
Have you heard any of these during your own grief? Did they feel comforting or frustrating? Share your experience in the comments—let’s open up the conversation about how we truly need support during loss.
Read More:
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Latrice is a dedicated professional with a rich background in social work, complemented by an Associate Degree in the field. Her journey has been uniquely shaped by the rewarding experience of being a stay-at-home mom to her two children, aged 13 and 5. This role has not only been a testament to her commitment to family but has also provided her with invaluable life lessons and insights.
As a mother, Latrice has embraced the opportunity to educate her children on essential life skills, with a special focus on financial literacy, the nuances of life, and the importance of inner peace.